All the Things We Tried…
Here is an honest and personal update of all the things we’ve tried (so far) to get pregnant.
The first list is what we tried before seeing a fertility specialist.
It’s not to say that any of these things were right or wrong, but it just makes you realise how much you’ll try anything (readily available) to get pregnant, and most women (like me) want to maintain a sense of control, and keep it to themselves for a long time. This is also partly due to the way that society has stigmatised the discussion of TTC (trying to conceive), there is a lot of guilt and shame associated with our bodies generally, and quite frankly - there’s not enough information out there about all the variables.
We didn’t do any of these things for too long, or have any whacko approaches (such as praying) - if you know me, you know I don’t believe in that. I also never ventured into the territory of acupuncture or eastern medicine.
So we did have a health and wellness-focused approach, but when it came down to it - we really just needed support, accurate scientific information and a better framework/system in place to set us up for success. This means both the healthcare system we had access to and information generally.
Please - do not take this as a list of things to try. Go and see your doctor if you’re wondering why you haven’t gotten pregnant yet. The general rule in women under 35 is to try for 12 months with basic cycle tracking/timed intercourse, take prenatal vitamins and generally try to remove any stressors from you life, if possible. I’m posting this list partially for my own reference, and also because it just shows how many products and fads exist online - some might work, but some can be misleading. I don’t regret any part of our approach, but I also hope this list makes some of you feel like you’re not alone.
If you know you have any other health conditions, reproductive or not, please see your Doctor, as they may advise you to start some tests much earlier to ensure you’re ready. Particularly thyroid or normal imbalances. Many GPs will suggest you and your partner both have a medical exam with blood work before even taking prenatals.
Of course, I’m not a Doctor, so just take this as an insightful, possibly entertaining, list.
Here’s a list of all the things we tried or did before or while TTC:
I started taking prenatal vitamins (waited 3 months to make sure my levels were up).
Went to a GP and both of us had general medical exams, including bloodwork (mostly for vitamin and mineral levels and an STD check). No fertility or hormone tests, as far as I’m aware.
Waited 9-12 months to qualify for maternity leave, assuming it would happen quickly. Did that twice. So essentially paused trying to make sure we wouldn’t have a baby too soon and not qualify for maternity leave. None of that waiting was pointless…it could have happened. But it didn’t, so in looking back, of course, it feels like “wasted time” in between and makes it hard to really say how long we were trying for overall.
Used special lube with a gross applicator, called pre-seed (ewwwww) - there are conflicting articles about whether or not this works. I now believe it to be a total con, completely unnecessary and ultimately, not cute.
Googled everything and got myself into a tailspin on many occasions.
Kept everything to myself/discussed it only with Alex.
Avoided talking about the topic of kids or TTC for fear of being judged. I still don’t regret keeping it private. It was my choice.
Only told our parents that we were trying and kept it from everyone else. Ultimately, kept the later steps of the process only within the walls of our home (my parents, my brother).
Ate disgusting seed cycling bars, even though my cycles were regular and my ovulation strips were positive. This was undoubtedly pointless.
Alex took men’s prenatals (recently we have been told these are good, and zinc is great for men, too). I think this is a great idea and way for partners to be involved and healthy.
Tried and failed manually seed cycling with actual seeds. I’m just not that type of person. I like my food to taste nice.
Wore the AVA bracelet to track my BBT. TBD if this helped whatsoever. I actually really don’t think it helped at all.
Tried and failed to take my BBT manually with a thermometer each day. I don’t always wake up at the same time. I couldn’t obsessively chart manually.
Tried 5+ Cycle tracking apps (Fertility Friend is old-school, but the best). I used this for tracking fertility treatments until I legitimately made my own google spreadsheet for tracking IVF and am still using it for my pregnancy at the moment.
Used expensive OPKs (clear blue brand etc). Totally overpriced.
Switched to cheaper/bulk/basic OPKs from Amazon.
Quit drinking coffee (I did not do this straight away and this was also to see if it helped with migraines). 2 years and counting!
Didn’t eat processed meat, soft cheese or sushi half the month for a very long time. Now I basically eat whatever I want, and I’ll stop when I get pregnant.
Went long stretches of not drinking alcohol (I still do this, and it’s a great thing to do, generally). The app “LESS” is great for tracking drinking.
Googled fertility massage, but never tried it.
Googled acupuncture, but never tried it (a fear of needles I would later have to overcome).
Watched countless TTC videos on YouTube.
Watched interviews with fertility doctors on IGTV/lives.
Googled AMH testing and wondered why the hell no GP had ever mentioned this to me as a benchmarking step.
Muted or unfollowed every single person who posted a pregnancy announcement without a TW/disclaimer about fertility on Instagram and Facebook. You might even be reading this now and realise that’s you. I have no regrets in doing this, and encourage anyone who feels triggered to do this.
There’s probably some other things we did, that I’ve forgotten about. I wouldn’t be surprised…
And here’s a list of everything we’ve done since moving on to other processes:
Blood tests and genetic testing to make sure we don’t have any of the same recessive genes (we don’t!) - again, I feel this would be a great step to happen when you see your GP, but for some reason, it isn’t. Depending on your ethnic background, you may both carry recessive genes and may not be able to safely conceive naturally without passing on those genes.
Researched fertility doctors in Sydney. Picked a location with a preference for a particular doctor.
Visited GP for referral to our chosen specialist (referral lasts 12 months).
Watched countless fertility vlogs on YouTube - most of these were really helpful, honest and educational. But about 80% of them do come to a point where the vlogger/person mentions praying/god and I have to move on. This does personally bother me. It’s all down to science, in my opinion!
Had a consultation with the endocrinologist (fertility doctor) via zoom.
Lucy: full blood panel and HyCoSy ultrasound (I can go into more detail about each procedure if anyone’s interested. I’m still not 100% satisfied with the content available online about this, so I may film a video. I just have to decide if that’s something I want to put out there in video form).
Alex: full blood panel and semen analysis. Everything the man has to do is much less invasive.
Consultation with Doctor. Results and all options explained. AMH results being key. Discussed process of IUI and IVF. Dr recommended we try IUIs twice only (her general rule). We could have moved straight to IVF, but with my needle phobia, we wanted to avoid that. Plus, the cost difference is about double. Ironically, I have had my blood taken more times than I can count in the past 5 months, and am doing really well with it. I’m super proud of myself, actually. The thought of IVF doesn’t really scare me now.
A lot of the (predominantly American) vlogs and message boards I saw about IUIs showed some wild stats. A bunch of people having 5-8 IUIs with no success, even though I also watched other videos discuss the efficacy peaks and falls after 3 rounds.
A lot of people put their experiences online, were vulnerable, and I thank them for that.
It makes me feel more informed going into each process, to know what to look out for. To know when to speak up, if something doesn’t sound/look/feel right.
Self-advocacy seems to be the most important message.IUI #1 - Unmedicated aside from the trigger shot. This just means my hormone levels are pretty good naturally and I ovulate regularly on my own. The IUI is just to get everything to happen in the right place at the right time, and remove a few barriers. Needle phobia starting to fade. Still lying down for blood draws and shots.
No pregnancy. I don’t like to use the word “failed”. It wasn’t an exam/test. I also don’t like to use the word “infertility”. No negative vibes here!
I will also note that my Mum was a nurse (until only a few years ago) and has been the one giving me the trigger shot at home.
I don’t know what I would do if she couldn’t. I know Alex could do it if he had to, but it would have made it so much more stressful, given my phobia. There’s no way I could inject myself. No way.
I have notes from the whole IUI process, and may turn that into a blog post as well, at some stage.IUI #2 - a lot more blood draws needed this cycle. One week was 5 times within 8 days, in addition to multiple pelvic ultrasounds.
Shout out to my dad, who drove either myself or both of us, to the Dr multiple times a week. I am sure that at some stage I’ll be able to drive myself, but at the beginning when I was still feeling faint from the blood-draws, it probably wasn’t the best idea.
Unfortunately, due to covid, the location 5 mins from our house is still closed, so we do have to drive about 30 mins each way to these appointments.
Plus, the Doctor I chose is based at the farther location.
This cycle was a strange one, with the IUI happening later in the cycle, signalling a longer cycle. And it was.
I made it to CD32 (this would typically be a missed period) for a blood test.
Results were “inconclusive”, meaning that the HCG levels were too low to be a viable pregnancy, but not zero.
So I had to wait a few more days for a second pregnancy test, to ensure I got back to zero, to discuss next steps.
Period started CD34, so it was a 33-day cycle (my longest ever recorded).
This made the process more annoying, as my 2WW (2 week wait) was closer to 3. But I resisted, and did not test at home.
One positive I can take from this experience is that when the nurses told me to “really try and relax” I absolutely did. I am so proud of how much I removed from my plate personally, to allow myself time to rest and just do fun things like reading, watching shows and even sewing!
Whatever the next steps may be, I am going to continue this approach, as I know it helped me mentally.
So here we are, as of May 2021. It’s hard to say exactly how many months we’ve been trying, because there have been gaps and pauses along the way and the journey has really only just begun. Our Dr has limited us to 2 IUIs, for varying reasons, and I am OK with that, especially as I have read some terrible stories about women having too many, and it not working. The next step will be another meeting with the Dr to discuss IVF.
I was so amazed and happy to see that Katie Jane Hughes and her husband Tarek are doing IVF. She has such a great community built around makeup and fashion, and I’ve followed her since the beginning. She has been open and honest on IG about what she’s going through, and opened up her DMs to questions. It’s people like her that make me feel like posting this blog entry. I have no idea how many people will read it, but I’m going to put it out there in the hopes that it helps even a handful of you.
Additionally, I found it interesting that after my last post about the question of having kids, so many of you assumed my stance was not wanting kids. I did say not to assume, but some of you still did. That’s fine, it’s just going to be a surprise for you when you read this. I have no doubt that those who assumed that, themselves don’t want kids - I support you, I understand your stance. Don’t be afraid to continue to reach out to me about this - I love the topic, when it’s open on both sides and in a safe space.
My key takeaways from the experience so far:
Women in your 20s - get your AMH tested. If you’re already in your 30s and reading this - get it tested too! Even if you’re not ready for kids yet (I wasn’t!) this can give you a clear picture of your fertility health and egg reserve. It doesn’t tell you about anything else that could be going on, but it’s a pretty major indicator and not enough people talk about this. More GPs should be asking patients if they’re planning to have kids in the future and if they’re interested in getting it checked. Same for men. They should be asked if they want a semen analysis.
This could also tell you fairly early in life if you’re unable to have kids, in which case, you won’t waste time down the line and can change your plans.
I will never suggest women get their eggs frozen in their 20s, because I think the AMH test is basic enough to not feel invasive/too extreme.
I believe, based on your AMH test, you can make your own decision.
And for anyone who never wanted kids and still doesn’t - you do you, boo! I support that as well!Self-advocate. You won’t get support if you don’t ask for it. No one knows your body and situation better than you do. Even a GP won’t know what to ask you if you don’t go in and ask to see a specialist yourself. Research and speak up. Not all GPs know enough about fertility. It’s kinda wild to think, but they really are “General Practitioners” and it’s not their job to be a specialist of everything.
Not everyone can get pregnant quickly and easily. Miscarriages are slowly being discussed more in the media, but the process of TTC is still stigmatised and most of what we see is just happy pregnancy announcements. This needs to change, but we all have to hold hands and slowly come out of the shadows to normalise it.
It’s totally OK to not want kids right after marriage or to never want kids. Or to want kids in your 20s or to want kids when you’re not married. It’s all OK. It’s also OK to not be in a hetero relationship and want kids. The clinic we attend is LGBTQI+ friendly, and that was important to me. It shows they don’t discriminate, they care a lot, and made me feel more comfortable.
The journey to becoming a parent is not linear.
What’s not OK is being asked if/when you’re having kids by ANYONE. I have a whole other rant about this posted previously under Truth.
Fertility treatments are EXPENSIVE. Most people know this, but also most people (including myself) don’t know the actual amount until it becomes personal and you start researching. The costs vary depending on your country, health insurance/government medical cover. Coverage in America is also rarely explained upfront, as with most medical stuff there. You only find out when you get the bill.
That’s half the reason why we never pursued it there (in addition to timing, age and the state of the world). Even in Australia, Medicare only covers a small %. There are places you can get treatments covered 100% by Medicare in Australia, but they’re not located conveniently for us (I think it was Campbelltown and Wollongong), nor do they get the best patient reviews (think, 3 hour appointment waiting times). I’ve got a spreadsheet tracking all the costs, so I can post about it once we’re finished with the processes.
I have no issue posting how much we’ve spent, in the end.
If you want to know some basic costs now, please feel free to reach out to me on Instagram DM.When you’re a patient, be patient. I’m a planner in nearly every aspect of my life (aside from maybe cooking), and I cannot stress this enough: the timeline is not in your control. Your body is not tracking along a critical path with due dates and deadlines. You can’t schedule a positive pregnancy. You can only take it day by day, week by week, month by month and be kind to yourself along the way.
12th May, 2021.
That’s it from me, for now.
I’ll continue to update this post as I go, and eventually push it live.
To be continued……
JUST KIDDING
3rd November, 2021
I’m 24 weeks pregnant. Our first fresh transfer from our first IVF stimulation cycle worked!
Bébé is due Feb 2022! We did it!
I will write a dedicated post about our IVF cycle and experience, as it deserves it.
Again, if you have any questions, send me a DM on Instagram @lucynolabel ✨